Moms Against Judging Moms

Happy Mother's Day to all you Mamas out there.

We have a variety of parenting styles represented in our support group meetings: women who planned to try breastfeeding and are now hooked, women who used to judge others for not breastfeeding and now are full of compassion, women who don't want to breastfeed beyond 6 months even if its going great, women who co-sleep, women who work, women who cloth diaper, and on and on. We have an equal number of different baby personalities represented.

Many of the mothers in our group report conflict with their own mother or mother-in-law over their different parenting styles including how and how often or where they breastfeed. Comments like, "I pumped all weekend so my mother-in-law could feed the baby and then she was angry that I didn't allow her to be involved," or , "My mother thinks its great that I'm breastfeeding, but tells me I am doing the wrong thing by letting the baby fall asleep at the breast and she is embarrassed if I breastfeed in public." You know what I'm talking about.

We all struggle to stake out our own parenting ground, and it is quite possible that mothers feel criticized when their children make different parenting choices than they did. In 1975, 70% of women were formula feeding, so many breastfeeding mom's were not breastfed. I am one of the fortunate few whose mother wanted to breastfeed and was determined to do it. My mother remembers being criticized by feminists who told her she could rot in a rocking chair if that was her choice, and she was criticized by the La Leche League in her town for not nursing her children past age 2 1/2. It appeared that she couldn't win.

My mother in law did not breastfeed because artificial breast milk was presented to her as an equal to breast milk. Me defending my choice to breastfeed might have felt like criticism to her.

Best for Babes has done an amazing job discussing the gape between mother's and daughters in a series called The Next Generation of Moms: When Breastfeeding Comes Full Circle.

Let's be kind to all mommies. We are in the parenting journey together and we are all going to make some mistakes. Not every choice is right for every women or baby or family. Lets not judge one another.